BLOGS

So on my search for the truth, I think I’ve realized something. I don’t know that I care all that much. Not enough to continue seeing through the lens I’ve dedicated myself to looking through. I do care, I care about the secrets of the universe and the overlooked truths. I will always be curious about them, and be open to knowing them. I fear that in the end though, spending my life finding them won’t be worth it. I felt a shift within myself that doesn’t represent who I am very well. I don’t want to end up like that one J Cole lyric. Love Yourz- “The good news is n**** you came a long way, bad news is n**** you went the wrong way.” Maybe things will be revealed to me throughout my life, maybe not, and maybe these things were never meant to be found by me. What I know is this: To have limited my own human experience is to have missed the point completely.

Okay…so has anyone ever met a bitch named Patricia?? Like I’m so for real I’ve never met one before. The 2 that I know of are Patrick Star’s sister and that vine video with the high school girl…you know…“PATRICIA, get it together sweetie”. Anyway, I digress.

Coffee has always been there. In the good, bad and in between, it was always there to make me feel better. Simple and kind of stupid, but true.

I dislike people. That's it. That's the blog.

Here's what you missed from The Thoughts of a Girl author...

No fucking way. My intuition is intuitioning. So today I decided to put the last bit of cash I had into my bank account. I did that and went about my day. I decided around 6 or 7 I’d go to my favorite coffee shop so I could write and read my book. Eventually I get to FaceTiming my cousin and we’re just chatting it up when I get a feeling. A feeling to check on my car. So I go outside and I see a tow truck, look to the spot where I parked and surprise surprise this dude has my car. LIKE FUCK. So I’m standing there in the freezing cold talking to this guy and his wife asking how much it’d cost to get my car back. He tells me it’s going to cost $232 to get it off now and $300 to get it at the lot. I’m thinking well ain’t no way I’m going to pay more to get my car but also damn I have only $234 in my bank account and that it. #TimesareRoughRightNow

Currently sitting in my car with a smoothie in hand (I got the chocolate gladiator with strawberries, bananas and almond butter) while the temperature outside continues to drop. Shoutout to the SK worker that made my smoothie. They put their WHOLE FOOT into it, it’s bomb. I guess it’s true what they say about old cars and how the cold will show their age (if that’s true or not I’m not sure, that’s just what I heard). My car was probably the loudest leaving the neighborhood, making some questionable noises that maybe shouldn’t be ignored. I’ve made it a goal to watch more movies this year because the amount of “ain’t no way” and “how have you not seen that” statements are ridiculous. It’s gotten to the point where before even finishing the question, I already began to shake my head because I know I haven’t seen it. Maybe I’m not a movie person or maybe I just haven’t taken the time to watch them, I don’t know. Nonetheless I’ve been making an attempt at watching some. I finally watched The Matrix (yes I now understand the hype). I watched I, Robot which I was a fan of. Tropic Thunder was funny but I wouldn’t say pissing my pants funny (sue me). Then there was Grandma’s Boy which was uh… let’s say I could’ve gone without watching that one. #FeelFreetoLeaveMovieSuggestions

Does one have the ability to break out of this reality? I understand that control and power run through this world. That independent thinkers challenge the higher ups and have the ability to make a ripple in the still lake, but are usually silenced before the rock is thrown. I also understand that we’ve been made to believe (since childhood) about how careers, religions, following in line, dreaming big but not too big, being…being realistic, is the “easiest and right” way to live. But does it have to be this way? No. But on the flip side, how does one go about that? These are not original thoughts. I’m sure many have wondered this earlier today, yesterday, a year ago and a decade ago. The few that figured it out are unknown. Then there are the people that think they’ve made this reality their bitch (which is great, until you are no longer a needed piece on the board or what you thought couldn’t be taken away from you is swept from under your feet). Another thought to this is: what if I’m just crazy? Because how could it be that there are billions of people on this planet and yet most of the population follow by the same rule? The rule of acceptance. Are we that torn down and tired to find another way to live? Are we that afraid or just that complacent? Maybe with the risk of failure paired with the repercussions it holds makes it unworthy of finding to the majority. What if some simply haven’t been introduced to the idea? Or what if this is it? What if this is the only reality we the people are ever going to be able to touch? A girl can wonder, but where she is now seems to have a tight grip on her. So what now?